En arrivant à Paris, Alain Roche m’avait déposé dans un hôtel très policé du seizième arrondissement où les chambres étaient si spacieuses qu’il fallait consulter Google Maps pour se rendre du lit à la baignoire. Conformément à l’usage, le PSG payait mes nuits le temps de me trouver un logement plus personnalisé par l’intermédiaire d’agents immobiliers basés dans les Yvelines. Adopté par la majorité de l’effectif parisien, ce département constituait un investissement sûr mais sans risque, conservateur, finalement très Ligue 1. Dans l’ensemble, les résidences étaient assez jolies et les voisins peu préoccupés par la présence de sportifs à proximité ; soit parce qu’ils n’aimaient pas le foot, soit parce qu’ils gagnaient davantage qu’eux. En visitant une maison à Chambourcy, j’avais été légèrement perturbé par le montant du loyer : quatre mille euros mensuels pour cent soixante mètres carrés. Balcon en fer forgé. Vaste jardin fruitier. Possibilité de construire un ou deux garages supplémentaires. Routes dégagées. Temps clair. Je ne possédais pas de voiture. Je mangeais rarement des fruits. Je voulais habiter près d’un métro, dans un quartier populaire, loin des tentations qui nuisent aux carrières débutantes. Loin du seizième arrondissement, en tout cas.

Matin du sixième jour. Une saison entière de Docteur House a défilé sur mon PC. « Ouvre, je suis là », me prévient Alain Roche d’une voix caverneuse, similaire à celle que prend la Mort quand elle vous téléphone. Sur sa carte de visite figure clairement la notion de recruteur mais il s’agit là de l’unique signe apparent d’une quelconque activité professionnelle. Cet homme se comporte comme une nourrice avec moi. Il repasse mes chemises, insiste auprès du personnel pour changer lui-même les draps et passe de l’Harpic dans les toilettes. À quel moment de la journée travaille-t-il ? Pour l’heure, un croissant dans la bouche, il laisse des miettes sur le canapé. Apercevant la bouteille de Volvic posée sur la table basse, il me propose de l’eau. En voulant se servir, il en renverse maladroitement sur les coussins. J’imagine que par ce geste, il souhaite me montrer son affection, à la manière d’un petit chien remuant la queue. Oui, voilà, il est un chiot s’oubliant sur le canapé.

Descendu dans la rue, il me fait monter dans sa caisse en me tenant la portière. « J’ai piqué le Marie-Claire de maman. On y apprend plein de choses sur les femmes. Tu savais pour la ménopause ? » Je l’interroge sur notre destination. « C’est une surprise ! », me répond-t-il en indiquant l’adresse du Camp des Loges sur son GPS. À mi-chemin, alors que les camions n’ont pas besoin de passer la seconde pour nous doubler sur l’A14, il s’arrache un cheveu blanc. « Regarde. Je file un mauvais coton. » Michel Delpech chante sur radio Nostalgie. « Quelle merde… J’ai pas quarante-cinq ans et je me sens déjà vieux. Tu sais quoi ? Je crois que les gamins ne savent même pas qui je suis. J’ai pourtant été un sacré joueur… Ouais… En même temps, je pige pas un mot de ce qu’ils racontent, alors… T’as l’air différent, toi. Les footeux de ton âge, en général, ils me vouvoient. » Difficile de vouvoyer quelqu’un que l’on ne respecte pas.

Le Camp des Loges, même partiellement rénové grâce à l’argent des investisseurs qataris, ne supporte pas encore la comparaison avec les centres d’entraînement du Milan ou de Chelsea. Il offre néanmoins un cadre agréable, conforme avec l’idée que l’on peut se faire du haut niveau. Ce préfabriqué blanc et ocre situé à Saint-Germain-en-Laye, à vingt kilomètres de Paris, sera ma résidence secondaire jusqu’en mai prochain. La saison n’est pas entamée que des journalistes veillent, prostrés derrière le grillage. La lecture d’une simple pancarte m’informe qu’il est « interdit d’alimenter la presse » en rumeurs. « C’est du 220 volts », précise Roche. Ma curiosité me pousse à braver les consignes. M’apercevant, l’un des reporters plonge dans ses notes. Je lui demande : « Vous ne me posez pas de questions ? » Ses yeux se redressent puis se rabattent sur le parking des joueurs. « Je suis footballeur au PSG, vous savez. » La relance tombe à l’eau. Véritable décideur en matière de transfert, plus ou moins numéro 2 du club, le Brésilien Leonardo, nommé en juillet directeur sportif par le président Nasser Al-Khelaifi, a dépensé plus de quatre-vingt-dix millions d’euros pour s’offrir huit recrues, dont quarante-deux pour le seul milieu offensif argentin Javier Pastore. Je n’ai rien coûté et, visiblement, les journaux n’ont pas parlé de moi.

Mon guide m’emmène dans un couloir aux murs recouverts des portraits des légendes antiques : Nicolas Anelka, Ronaldinho, Luis Fernandez, Safet Susic. Au bout du tunnel s’étire la vitrine contenant les trophées gagnés depuis la création du club, en 1970, soit deux championnats et une ribambelle de coupes nationales. « Impressionnant, hein ? Et encore, tu n’as pas vu celle des trophées perdus ! Elle occupe deux pièces entières. » Une minute de recueillement devant la glace. Roche me tient le bras, emporté par l’émotion. « Coupe des Coupes 96. J’y étais, petit ! J’y étais… » Il fond en larmes. Curieusement, je ne me souviens pas de cette finale. Pour moi, Paris, c’est La Corogne, Gueugnon, le titre de 96 laissé à Auxerre, le match perdu sur tapis vert contre Bucarest. Sa légende s’est bâtie sur des défaites. Je me suis intéressé à lui en souffrant à ses côtés, parce qu’il avait tout pour réussir et qu’il échouait quand même. Le PSG a toujours pris soin de faire suivre ses courts moments d’euphories par de profondes déceptions que seules égalent les véritables histoires d’amour.

Retrouvant le sens de l’orientation, Roche me conduit jusqu’au bureau de Michel Kollar, l’intendant.

« Vous deviez venir aujourd’hui, mon garçon ? Votre nom n’est pas noté sur mon agenda.

– Tu n’as pas reçu mon mail, Michel ?

– Quel mail ? »

L’autre vérifie sa messagerie.

« Effectivement. Par défaut, Alain, tes mails sont classés dans mes spams.

– Pourquoi tout le monde me dit ça, putain ? »

L’intendant se dirige vers une armoire métallique d’où il sort de l’un des tiroirs un sac transparent en plastique isotherme. Le sac contient un sandwich triangle, des papiers et une clé. Roche insiste pour prendre le sandwich. Je quitte la partie du centre réservée aux administratifs pour entrer dans le vestiaire, étrangement contigu des bureaux. La clé ouvre un casier. Je récupère un maillot floqué à mon nom. Sous les bancs, des chaussures à crampons dépassent de rangements rectangulaires fortement influencés par l’architecture suédoise. Le tableau Velléda est vierge, les cintres pendouillent dans le vide. Dans les douches, une araignée escalade un flacon de Petit Marseillais puis divers produits cosmétiques qui me sont totalement étrangers : des crèmes pour pectoraux, des lotions hydratantes, des sprays épilatoires, du baume à lèvres. Quelqu’un entre dans la pièce alors que j’examine, intrigué, un pot de gel coiffant.

« Ah, Kevin ! Je te cherchais !

– Quoi, encore ?

– J’ai faim, tu m’accompagnes ?

– Et ton sandwich ?

– Je le garde pour plus tard. J’ai réservé une table V.I.P à l’Hippopotamus.

– Écoute, Alain, tu…

– Quoi ?

– Tu me… »

Il me regarde avec son air de chien battu, si bien que je ne peux me résoudre à l’engueuler.

« Rien… Tu ne me présentes pas au coach ?

– À Kombouaré ? Il n’est pas là.

– Et Leonardo ?

– En réunion quelque part. Alors ? L’Hippopo ?

– Non, merci.

– Comme tu veux. Bon, ben…

– Ouais ?

– À lundi pour la reprise !

– C’est ça. »

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