Le kikonjou de la semaine : l’Association Sportive de Saint-Etienne Loire
10/05/2008 – 16:59
Aussi incroyable que cela puisse paraître, certaines peuplades parviennent encore de nos jours à survivre au-delà du périphérique. Parfois même à des lunes et des lunes de marche. On les appelle les kikonjoux. Afin de mieux connaître leurs coutumes et de promouvoir un tourisme parisien responsable, prenons notre Hummer Diesel et partons à leur rencontre.
Le kikonjou de la semaine : l’Association Sportive de Saint-Etienne Loire
« Etienne, Etienne, Etienne, hmmm, tiens-le bien !». Qui ne se souvient de ces paroles susurées par Nana à l’oreille d’Etienne Lantier, alors qu’elle voulait mettre un dernier coup d’assommoir au Docteur Pascal, ou bien une scène pénible dans le genre, avec Balzac, on a tendance à s’y perdre ? Ce qui est certain, c’est qu’Etienne le tint mal, le Doc reprit le dessus, enchaina un double mawashi-geri plutôt inopiné pour l’époque et lui inocula un bon vieux scorbut à la mode, lui. Etienne, déjà béat, fût béatifié par tous les Maheu, car la générosité ch’ti est sans limite, ces gens-là sont de véritables boules de love, on vous dit, personne n’a le droit d’en douter. Mais faut bien croûter, et Saint-Etienne alla creuser sa triste mine un peu plus loin.
« Un peu plus loin », c’est justement le slogan du syndicat d’initiative du Forez, et Saint-Etienne s’enracina naturellement dans son bassin ch’touillé. L’extraction sociale qui s’en suivit à grands coups de pelleteuse se fit dans le respect des saines valeurs de ses anciens chefs porions, centrées autour d’une sobriété de chaque instant, d’une hygiène irréprochable et d’Onzeo.
Afin de définitivement mettre à bas les messages de la honte brandis par les « instigateurs intellectuellement délabrés puisant leur inspiration dans le manuel du parfait petit eugéniste» (c’est officiel), notre département Ethnologie & Cosmopolitisme Régional, au terme d’une étude minutieuse, est en mesure d’affirmer que nos sympathiques kikonjoux de la semaine ne sont ni chômeurs ni consanguins ni pédophiles. Il se trouve que la société Manufrance est très généreuse en RTT, que leurs cousins sextuples se prêtent plus aux amours inverties et que les jeunes sont tous partis.
Pssst, hep, le jeune. Oui, toi. Allez, viens. Viens dans mon Chaudron.
A l’instar d’Ulysse, Rommel et Kirikou, le club de patronage local a bien connu une épopée. C’était sous Giscard, mais sans la couche de confiance dont il bénéficie aujourd’hui. Autant vous dire que ça sentait pas bon. A la fin, y’en a un qui a dit : « Et si on faisait comme si c’est nous qu’on a gagné ? » et il y eut un défilé avec des petits drapeaux, comme la fois où on avait bouté les Nazis hors de la Zone Libre. Hey, c’est ça, la France. Il y a toujours un vainqueur moral, ce qui est très pratique pour remplir les palmarès. De toute façon c’était ça ou rejouer les finales de la Coupe de la Ligue et les guerres.
Les spécialités des Etiennes sont les maillots (verts), les caisses (noires) et les passeports (sépias). Ils parlent un dialecte franco-provençal dont le seul intérêt est qu’il prévient des dangers à s’accoupler avec une cagole. Enfin, il convient de mentionner que Saint-Etienne a récemment changé de millénaire en se dotant enfin de deux gros poteaux ronds, Bernard Caïazzo et Roland Romeyer, qui ont déjà beaucoup donné au club : le premier a apporté un tréma ainsi que deux z dans son patronyme et le second l’a aidé.
Qu’attendiez-vous d’une bourgade qui nous a déjà tant divertis avec Bernard Lavilliers, Muriel Robin et Sylvain Armand, franchement ?
80 réponses to “Le kikonjou de la semaine : l’Association Sportive de Saint-Etienne Loire”
Mawashi Geri, ça veut bien dire “merci j’ai bien rigolé” en Japonais ?
Si oui : mawashi geri.
Sinon : merci, j’ai bien rigolé.
D’ailleurs, c’est pas pour dire mais ça parle un peu trop beaucoup japonais par ici en ce moment. On essaierait pas de faire venir Matsui par hasard ?
En attendant, c’est Hara Kiri pour Ceara qu’a raté.
De tip le 12/05/2008
A ben, non, Matsui devient un kikonjou Etienne. ^^
De Stup-krou le 22/05/2008
Bonjour,
je tiens a feliciter l’auteur de ces articles. Quelle plume!
Auriez-vous l’amabilite de lui transmettre ce message et de me communiquer - avec sa permission - son adresse mail svp?
D’avance merci et bonne journee.
Jean-Luc Bertrand
PS: desole pour l’absence d’accents, je suis en voyage aux US.
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De Brian Mccorkindale le 7/06/2011
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