Le kikonjou de la semaine : L’Association Jeunesse Auxerroise
26/04/2008 – 16:19Aussi incroyable que cela puisse paraître, certaines peuplades parviennent encore de nos jours à survivre au-delà du périphérique. Parfois même à des lunes et des lunes de marche. On les appelle les kikonjoux. Afin de mieux connaître leurs coutumes et de promouvoir un tourisme parisien responsable, prenons notre Hummer Diesel et partons à leur rencontre.
Le kikonjou de la semaine : l’Association Jeunesse Auxerroise
C’est l’histoire vraie d’une région véritable. Infestée de vraies gens qui savent vraiment la vraie valeur des choses vraies. Et où il fait bon respirer le bon air pur de la bonne campagne qui sent bon. Sauf pour le petit Zeubou, retenu ici suite à un mauvais découpage de sa carte scolaire. « Wesh vindiou. La Bourgogne, ça vous cogne. Trop ça pue la reumo cash du terroir authentique. Plus tard, j’f’rai faussaire ». Ainsi parlait Zeubou, wesh vindiou, et faussaire il fit. Mais comme il était vraiment bidon, il colla mal le f.
Née sur un malentendu, Auxerre vit depuis la nuit des temps sous le joug de Guy Roux, gourou clamant à une population crédule que les kikonjoux du Sud, c’est voleur et compagnie, contrairement aux kikonjoux de l’Est, qui n’ont pas ce sens de la solidarité. Mais il n’en fait pas des banderoles, et on ne touche pas à cette icône. « Bourre Guy ? Gnon ! », menacent les indigènes, en grappillant quelques escargots, dont les bris des coquilles sous leurs mâchoires prognathes ont dissuadé bien des ethnologues d’étudier plus en avant leurs us et coutumes. Ça et l’odeur des gougères.
A proximité d’une belle truffe, tous les sens porcins se mettent en éveil.
Auxerre est mondialement renommée pour ses forces vives, à l’image de son illustre maire funky, Guy Ferez, qu’on ne présente plus. Une légende rurale veut même que les grabataires du coin fassent de l’acné, grâce aux fontaines de jouvence qui jaillissent un peu partout dans la forêt magique. Des analyses plus poussées ont montré que c’était de la couperose de Chablis. Trop tard, la réputation était faite. Ainsi va l’Association Jeunesse Auxerroise, où il y a suffisamment de djeunz pour faire une partie de jokari. Bon, pour les sports co, faut quand même importer du plombé polonais.
Au diable la varice, and fuck les maladies coronariennes, ici, on se régale de fondue bourguignonne. Rien à voir avec Roselyne Bachelot. Il s’agit d’un mets succulent à base de viande frite à l’huile. Hmmmmm. C’est un gourmet régional de l’étape, Marcel Petiot, qui l’a inventée. Emile Louis est plus tartare, lui.
Qu’attendiez-vous d’une bourgade qui a inventé Isabelle Alonso, Jean-Louis Scherrer et Jean-Pierre Soissons, franchement ?
80 réponses to “Le kikonjou de la semaine : L’Association Jeunesse Auxerroise”
Wé, bof bof…
De plus en plus alambiqué les “bons mots” du Kikonjou.
De Kalimutxo le 27/04/2008
Les gougères, c’est ‘achement bon!
Et vivement l’an prochain, que le PSG se déplace à Dijon! Je pourrais faire le lobby de la moutarde!
De Phil le 27/04/2008
Juste je précise : ni marseillais, ni anti-parisiens, mais juste indépendantiste bourguignon.
Donc, si le PSG descend en L2,y aura un kikonjou Dijon et un Gueugnon; y a quand même moyen de rigoler.
Et pis si Paris descend pas, y aura que 3 kikonjou à faire. Et la Ligue 1 perdra certainement son hybride monstrueux, un cassoulet à casquette qui, s’il descend, en l’espace d’à peine 12 mois sera passé d’Anfield Road a Parc des Sports Gaston Gérard. Avouez que ce serait violent.
De Phil le 27/04/2008
T’es ambitieux, toi, de voir gueux gnon en l2 l’an prochain…
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