On m’installa dans une grande pièce où patientaient déjà Peguy Luyindula et d’autres joueurs que les Qataris jugeaient inadaptés pour survivre à l’évolution naturelle ; des espèces minuscules ou disposant d’une espérance de vie trop réduite – Peguy avait déjà 32 ans – pour mériter l’arche. Loïc, Étienne et JC lisaient des magazines sur la mode masculine. De temps en temps, l’un des membres de ce trio me fixait et souriait, satisfait de me voir embarqué sur le même radeau que lui ; probablement voyait-il dans cette situation une sorte de revanche. Les portraits de Luis Fernandez, de Safet Susic et de Ronaldinho, enlevés du couloir, pourrissaient dans des cartons. Nous étions des footballeurs conduits à l’abattoir, et nous acceptions cette fatalité.

Leonardo m’appela en premier. Il m’expliqua que l’effectif de la prochaine saison allait prendre de l’épaisseur et qu’il ne pouvait en conséquence me promettre du temps de jeu. Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Kaka, Gonzalo Higuain et Samuel Eto’o avaient été contactés. « Nous voulons des stars qui possèdent un palmarès et qui puissent nous faire gagner la Ligue des Champions. Les jeunes seront prêtés ou vendus. Renouveler ton contrat ne te servirait à rien. Tu comprends ? » Jamais l’avenir ne me parut aussi clair que ce lundi-là. Un repos de quelques jours prenait corps en Auvergne ; des jours ennuyeux, une existence éloignée du foot, éloignée de l’absurdité de ce monde ; au pire, quelques mois avant de replonger dans une équipe de CFA ; quelques mois, c’était toujours ça de pris, toujours ça qu’ils ne me prendront pas.

Un architecte s’afférait dans le hall. Il donnait des consignes à un bataillon d’assistants tous plus beaux les uns que les autres. La dernière visite de Nasser avait eu des conséquences tragiques. En parlant aux salariés, il s’était rendu compte que le club vivait dans la nostalgie. Alors, il avait fait décrocher des murs les photographies anciennes et entreprit des travaux d’aménagement. Il avait aussi licencié douze employés prétendument « usés par la pression » ; beaucoup de cinquantenaires, en vérité. Le PSG devait donner l’image d’une formation conquérante, d’une machine de guerre marchant sur l’Europe mais qu’on prendrait plaisir à enlacer. Jeunesse, beauté, force, voilà ce qu’on demandait aux recrues. Déjà, j’avais remarqué que les nouvelles femmes de ménage pesaient trente kilos de moins que les précédentes. Elles parlaient plusieurs langues, dont l’anglais et l’arabe, et portaient des habits courts. Je n’avais qu’un geste à effectuer pour appeler Platinium Player et rentrer chez moi. J’ai regardé mon portable. J’ai regardé la rue, le Camp des Loges, ce bâtiment fabriqué peuplé de parasites, puis j’ai dérivé vers des rives accueillantes et familières, la Mare aux Canes où mes vêtements, autrefois, aimaient se noyer, le sentier des Oratoires et ses fidèles marcheurs, ma forêt de chênes et de pins, les châtaignes mordillées sur le chemin. Je me sentais libéré d’un poids. Sur ce tronc, les ordres ne trouvaient aucun écho ; la nature chassait les braconniers et étouffait toute agressivité. Après une heure de méditation profonde, je me suis levé, n’emportant avec moi qu’une grande bouffée d’air pur. À mon retour en Auvergne, j’allais devoir vivre chez ma mère.

Des jeunes d’une quinzaine d’années jouaient au foot sur le terrain d’entraînement numéro sept. Il n’y avait pourtant pas l’ombre d’un recruteur. Peut-être cherchaient-ils simplement à s’amuser. Leurs cheveux formaient des sculptures post-modernes téléchargées de cauchemars d’alcooliques. Les footballeurs les plus sobres se contentaient d’un crâne rasé, éventuellement assorti d’un tatouage. Un gars prenait toutes les balles en défense. Il n’avait pas besoin de tacler les attaquants pour les récupérer ; il se contentait d’anticiper les trajectoires. Il avait de l’assurance et une perle dorée à chaque oreille. Il était grand, costaud. Il semblait formaté pour le haut niveau. Un groupe de filles le sifflait à chaque interception. Elles ne faisaient que renforcer ma douleur. J’ai tapé la barrière avec mon poing, j’ai essayé de contenir cette colère intérieure qui montait en moi mais je n’ai pu m’empêcher de pousser un hurlement tellement pathétique qu’il attira leur attention. Pourquoi ces horribles adolescents me regardaient-ils comme si j’étais un monstre ? De tous, j’étais celui qui se rapprochait le plus de la norme. Je venais de perdre mon travail. J’étais seul et désemparé, banal, terriblement normal, à l’image des gens qui viennent nous supporter au stade parce que la vie n’a rien prévu de mieux pour eux.

Le surdoué voulut savoir si j’allais bien. J’ai eu envie de lui péter la jambe pour qu’il découvre à son tour l’injustice. Il mesurait au moins un mètre quatre-vingt-dix. Deux mètres, plutôt. Je ne lui ai pas répondu et je me suis sauvé vers le parking. Là-bas, dans ce no man’s land polaire que l’on quittait sans regret, je suis tombé sur une figure connue. Luyindula tentait d’insérer une planche de surf dans le coffre de sa voiture mais l’ustensile était trop grand. Il venait de terminer son entretien individuel avec Leonardo. Où partait-il en vacances ? Mer ou Montagne ? France ou Espagne ? Qu’est-ce que j’en avais à foutre, au fond ?

« J’ai m’offre deux semaines à Biarritz pour fêter ça !

– Fêter quoi ?

– Ma prolongation de contrat !

– Mais… Tu ne… Tu n’avais pas attaqué le club pour harcèlement moral ?

– On a trouvé un accord à l’instant. Je ne m’y attendais plus mais… Tant mieux !

– Je comprends rien. Leonardo t’a dit quoi ?

– Bah, j’abandonne les poursuites et il me réintègre dans l’équipe l’an prochain.

– Comme ça ?

– Ouais. Donnant-donnant. Et toi ? Ton entretien ?

– Mer. Je vais à la mer. »

Durant six mois, Leonardo et Nasser avaient traité ce type comme un moins que rien pour l’inciter à se barrer. Lui, international français, s’était entrainé avec l’équipe B sans que personne ne vienne lui parler. Il avait dû se doucher dans le même vestiaire que des gamins qui ignoraient tout de son parcours. Et maintenant, on le réintégrait ? Comme ça ? Par magie ? C’était trop simple. Trop facile. J’ai toisé à nouveau le Camp des Loges. Il m’inspirait toujours un profond dégoût mais je me sentais désormais prêt à me vautrer dedans, la tête la première, et à plonger mes mains dans les ordures. J’ai resalué les vigiles, Franck, Abdel, Filip. Arrivé dans le couloir, je ne me suis pas arrêté devant la salle d’attente : j’ai directement foncé en direction du bureau de Leonardo en répétant les phrases que je m’apprêtais à lui dire. Il raturait des feuilles au stylo. Il ne se doutait de rien.

« Je sais pour le pot-de-vin. »

Je devais l’agresser, orienter la discussion, la mener là où il ne voulait pas aller, l’obliger à devenir un joueur interviewé contre son gré.

« Un journaliste du Parisien m’a parlé de Pastore et de son transfert. Il m’a tout raconté. »

Avec le doigt, il se gratta l’œil droit. Sitôt cette tâche accomplie, il se redressa entièrement puis, une fois debout, s’avança près de la porte qu’il ferma sans la claquer, presque avec délicatesse.

« J’ai appelé ce type. Il invente. Il raconte des choses fausses.

– Non. Vous mentez.

– Le papier, il n’est pas passé tellement il était faux ! Son rédacteur en chef, il s’est même excusé auprès de moi !

– J’ai des preuves. »

Je n’avais rien, pas même le début du piste. J’avais juste envie de me le faire. Je ne voulais plus m’incliner devant lui. Je voulais qu’il sache que j’avais du caractère. J’avais été gentil durant un an ; cela n’avait servi à rien.

« Des preuves, ah oui ?

– Des enregistrements.

Des enregistrements ? Arrête de te foutre de ma gueule !

– Des vidéos filmées avec mon portable.

– Quoi ? Comment tu as fait ? Montre-les-moi !

– Je pensais d’abord les envoyer à L’Équipe.

– Ils ne te croiront pas !

– Peut-être même à Mediapart.

– Puttana di tua madre ! Tu crois que je ne te vois pas venir ? Toi et Peguy, vous êtes pareils !

– Ou les mettre sur Youtube.

– Combien tu veux ? Cent mille ? Deux cent mille ?

– Vous me proposez du fric ?

– Alors ? Combien tu veux ? Combien ?

– Trois ans de contrat.

– Trois ans ?

– Oui.

– Tu es… Tu es un beau connard, Kevin ! Un beau petit connard ! Tu le sais, ça ?

Trois ans de contrat et je ferme ma gueule.

– Bien, bien ! Je vais te la signer, moi, ta prolongation ! Tu veux continuer à faire dix matches par saison ?

– Ouais.

– Très bien ! Très bien ! »

Il bégaya ces mêmes mots durant une dizaine de secondes, remit son brushing en place puis toucha son nez comme s’il cherchait à en éponger la sueur. S’approchant de son siège, il consulta son iPhone et envoya un SMS.

« Bien… Très bien… Je suis d’accord, oui. Faisons-ça… »

Il rangea l’appareil dans la poche de sa veste.

« Tu resteras au club. Je n’interviendrai plus dans les choix du coach, d’accord, oui… Mais au moindre écart, au moindre mot de toi sur cette histoire, ta carrière sera finie, tu m’entends ? Ta petite carrière de merde n’existera plus. Tu ne sais pas à qui tu t’attaques. Si jamais tu parles, je te… Si jamais tu parles, on te brisera. On te brisera comme on a brisé ton frère. »

271 commentaires

  1. Victor dit :

    ouf, une prolongation.
    Aura t’on également le droit aux aventures de kevin la saison prochaine?

  2. Kireg dit :

    Yeahhh !!!!
    (merci de noter la pertinence de ce commentaire)

  3. Thony03 dit :

    C’est bon sa !!!
    Sa sent la suite !!!!

  4. davidbekham dit :

    David likes it

  5. Petit-Louis Fernandel dit :

    cool, je pourrai parler de toi dans mes prochaines académies!
    pour un résumé de la saison du PSG, cliquez sur mon nom.

  6. André Aïe Ouïlle dit :

    une belle conclusion d’une bien belle saison…

    je veux voir Kevin au milieu des Kaka et autre Lavezzi Tevez etc…

  7. Bobby dit :

    Merci! J’ai qu’ça qu’à dire

  8. Mèch Tuyot dit :

    Mais non Kevin, ne prolonge pas, vient à Brest tu y seras bien !

  9. bobrazowski dit :

    Ah le salop le teaser de fou !!!

  10. nico dit :

    Bordel! Moi qui te voyait signer dans un club du sud dirigé par une burne ou un vieillard complètement fou! Quel culot! Oser défier Leonardo de la sorte, chapeau!
    Ciel que ce petit a du talent!

  11. KoR dit :

    Clap de fin, merci pour cette excellente saison.

    Et vivement la suivante.

    Un moment, j’ai cru qu’à la mode Shônen manga, vaincu par un Léo trop fort pour lui, Kevin allait s’exiler en province et rencontrer un entraîneur qui lui ferait accéder au septième sens et au tir du tigre histoire de mieux revenir au PSG avec un transfert tonitruant la saison d’après.

    Mais non, Kevin et le PSG sont chevillés l’un à l’autre et on continuera de les suivre de concert.

  12. Romain dit :

    Tres bon le coup de théâtre final avec l´explication du nouveau contrat de Luyindula et la fin de carriere du frere !!

  13. Joseph dit :

    Pfiouuu, maintenant, le talent de scénariste s’ajoute à celui de rédacteur… jusqu’où irez-vous, Kevin Kohler ?!

    “C’est comme Leonardo. Au début, j’ai cru qu’il n’était qu’un prétentieux aux cheveux gras. Eh bien, avec le temps, j’ai remarqué qu’il prenait soin de sa coiffure.” => Epique.

  14. Captain Rai dit :

    J’ai vraiment eu peur pour Kevin en voyant la cochonne ressigné, mais là je suis rassuré.

    Au fait il a touché combien Léo?

  15. Leblogdevern dit :

    C’est pas sympa de jouer avec nos nerfs comme ça…

  16. Salles de Sport Bordeaux dit :

    Toujours aussi plaisant, quel talent!

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    J’aime ce frère qui a été brisé.

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