L’expression Mouiller le maillot prend une tournure particulièrement délicieuse lorsqu’on l’applique aux nageuses. La température de l’eau est divine, la piscine couverte ; elle est bien la seule. En tant que joueur du PSG, j’ai un couloir réservé – décret numéro 2012-582 de la Mairie de Paris. M’ont-elles reconnu ? La question me hante alors que j’enfile mon survêtement pour profiter au mieux du panorama nudiste. J’ai été rétrogradé en réserve une semaine pour avoir séché l’entrainement le jour de mon départ en Savoie. Dommage que Medhi soit absent : il aurait assurément aimé cette fille pointure Juventus. Depuis qu’il n’habite plus à la maison, nous nous voyons encore moins qu’auparavant. Il s’est trouvé une colocation avec des étudiantes rencontrées à une soirée Fiesta Erasmus au Dupleix. Parfois, je vois son mur Facebook épouser des formes sensuelles, faussement provocantes, tout un élevage de bouches en forme de bec de canard. J’éteins alors l’écran et je me connecte à Twitter. Chaque jour, de nouvelles personnes me suivent. Tiens, ai-je reçu des messages ? Dix-sept ! Incroyable ! Il faut absolument que je réponde à ces inconnus.
La fin de l’après-midi sonne si vite qu’il n’est que seize heures à ma montre. Avec les cloches de l’église arrive un type grassouillet et bossu, au visage recouvert de poils gris anthracite. L’homme paraît s’intéresser à moi : toutes les dix secondes, il dépose un regard vers ma direction qu’il retire aussitôt dès que je le croise. La couverture de l’album Tintin et le crabe aux pinces d’or est cousue sur sa serviette. Des fesses ondulent dans l’eau à cinq mètres d’ici.
« Ca te dérange si je me fous à côté de toi ?
– Un peu.
– Je suis grand reporter au Parisien.
– Merde.
– Belle vue, hein ?
– Ouais.
– Je dois te dire un truc sur Leonardo. »
Il m’apprend que notre directeur sportif aurait touché un pourcentage important sur les quarante-deux millions du transfert de Javier Pastore, cet été, de Palerme au PSG. Sa source, un avocat, tient l’information d’un agent informé de la combine grâce aux épanchements d’un footballeur transalpin dont s’occupe l’un de ses confrères – par ailleurs courtier d’assurances – qui a surpris à l’aéroport de Milan une personne avec l’accent brésilien rentrant tout juste de Venise avec une femme pourvue de cette chevelure brune et élancée, si caractéristique des vraies Siciliennes.
« Et l’épouse de Leonardo serait Sicilienne, selon Wikipédia. Autant te dire que c’est du béton. J’ai juste besoin d’une confirmation. As-tu déjà entendu Leonardo parler à Pastore en se frottant sournoisement les mains, comme s’il complotait ?
– Vous êtes taré.
– Tu ne me crois pas ?
– Vous… Vous voulez juste foutre la merde pour vendre du papier.
– Leonardo est bizarre quand même, non ?
– Il est… parfois énigmatique.
– Tu as confiance en lui ?
– Si j’ai confiance ?
– Oui.
– Je n’ai confiance en personne. »
Le soir même, je pénètre pour la première fois de ma vie dans une boîte de nuit des Champs-Élysées. À Noël, les dirigeants ont offert cette discothèque à Sakho pour le convaincre de ne pas signer au Bayern Munich. Notre capitaine organise des petites fêtes dès qu’il s’ennuie ; il en organise beaucoup. J’étais certain de le trouver là-bas.
« Mamadou ? J’sais pas où il se planque, non. »
Jérémy Ménez tient la main d’une CSKA Moscou, blonde aux yeux bleus. Dans un coin de la salle, un cheval est attaché à un pilier. Des cuisiniers découpent un morceau de viande dans la cuisse de l’animal, aussitôt déposé sur le buffet. La nourriture déborde. Sur l’aile droite, macarons et bonbons. Un danseur aux épaules de quarterback me marche sur les pieds. La bouillie malaxée explose des amplis. Le morceau, un classique de NRJ, la radio préférée du vestiaire, dispose de sa propre chorégraphie : il faut lever le bras par intervalle de dix secondes en criant un mot que je n’arrive pas à saisir. Alors, puisque c’est la consigne, tout le monde lève le bras. Je m’exécute, j’ouvre la bouche, j’attends l’exécution. Le son est accrocheur sur les premières notes mais rapidement lassant ; finalement assez vulgaire sur le long terme, conçu pour plaire à des personnes peu exigeantes qui en feront leur emblème dès qu’ils verront leurs amis s’agiter dessus. Je crois reconnaître deux de ces rappeurs habitués du Camp des Loges. Ils partagent les mêmes centres d’intérêts que les footeux ; ils viennent des mêmes quartiers et, fascinés par l’argent, ils considèrent, tout comme eux, le succès comme une revanche sociale. Là d’où je viens, le fric est mal vu. Il est suspect. Ici, il indique que tu as réussi. La nuit leur appartient mais c’est tout ce qu’ils ont.
Au carré VIP, une Coupe de la Ligue sert de cendrier. Une black portant des escarpins rouges lèche une sucette arc-en-ciel sur un sofa, abîmé lui aussi. Je bois une bière. L’un des potes de Sakho la décapsule, puis c’est au tour de la bière. Mamadou se contemple dans un petit miroir de poche qui semble également lui servir à surveiller ses arrières. Comment l’atteindre alors qu’une cour d’une dizaine de personnes le flatte et l’encense ? Leur communication passe par des doigts sur un écran. Quand la poche vibre, ils ressortent leur téléphone, se marrent bêtement et retournent le message aux voisins. Trois vigiles protègent le district, détournant l’accès aux supporteurs. Sakho m’a vu. Il me hèle. Je m’assois sur les genoux d’une groupie.
« Faut pas avoir peur, Kevin ! Je mords pas !
– Ouais…
– T’es venu seul ?
– Ma meuf est aux toilettes.
– Laquelle ?
– Celle du mardi. »
Une fois par semaine, le clan francophone se réunit pour comparer l’attractivité érotique de ses membres. Chaque joueur vante ses exploits en comptabilisant les rapports sexuels pratiqués depuis la séance précédente. Le moins prolifique doit s’acquitter d’une amende. Interrogé presque par accident, je leur avais assuré baiser six filles à la fois. Je n’avais trouvé que cette répartie pour me donner un peu de consistance.
« Oh ! T’es encore dans tes rêves ?
– Non, non. »
Dans un état second, il penche son buste au-dessus des bouteilles d’alcool.
« Tu sais, mec, au début, on t’a pris pour un bouffon.
– Un gars à la Gourcuff, ajoute Chantôme.
– Un mec chelou. Tu disais jamais rien. »
J’écarquille les yeux, intrigué par la tournure que prend cette conversation.
« À l’hôtel, tu faisais des puzzles. Des puzzles, sérieux !
– Pourquoi pas des rébus ? Sa mère !
– Et puis on a vu que tu te débrouillais bien à l’entraînement.
– T’es habillé comme à Beyrouth mais sur un terrain, t’es stylé.
– Contre Saint-Étienne, tout le monde s’en battait les couilles mais toi, tu courais partout. »
Sur la réserve jusqu’à présent, Gameiro s’autorise une remarque.
« Excuse-moi d’avoir pourri tes affaires en les foutant dans l’eau.
– C’était toi ?
– Ouais. C’était juste un bizutage. Rien de méchant, hein ! »
La table se gondole. Sakho, la bouche emplie de cacahuètes, reprend la parole.
« Tu fais partie de la famille, maintenant. Plus on sera nombreux face à eux, mieux ce sera.
– Eux ? Qui ça ?
– Pastore, les ritals, tout ça. »
Récemment, Javier a séché un entraînement pour partir en vacances en Sicile. Partir sur son île, loin de l’agitation, prendre quelques jours pour réfléchir près des siens… Ils ne peuvent pas comprendre.
« Il dit qu’on joue pas assez bien pour lui ! Tu sais, il a fait dégager Kombouaré parce que le coach parlait pas l’italien !
– Ah bon ?
– Faut se méfier de ce pédé ! Ca tombe bien que tu sois là, Kevin. Vraiment, ouais. Tu connais François Hollande ?
– Personnellement ?
– Qui c’est, Mamad’ ?
– Ouais, qui c’est ?
– Oh, les gars ! C’est le candidat de la gauche aux présidentielles !
– Il y a des présidentielles ? Quand ?
– Putain… En mai !
– Ah bon ?
– Hollande, il veut taxer les riches à 75 % !
– Ce bâtard !
– Ce sac à foutre !
– Exactement, ouais. Faut que Sarkozy nous défende sinon on est morts. J’suis pas bénévole, putain !
– C’est clair !
– C’est quoi un bénévole ?
– Mon avocat va lui écrire une lettre que Kevin signera.
– Moi ?
– Si je m’en charge, les journalistes se foutront de ma gueule.
– Pareil.
– Pareil.
– Et les supporteurs diront que je me la joue intello… Que je me disperse et tout… De la merde, quoi ! La politique, c’est… Pour les mecs comme moi, ça… Comment dire… Enfin t’as pigé, quoi.
– Plus ou moins.
– Tu seras notre porte-parole !
– Je lui dirai quoi ?
– C’que tu veux ! T’aime bien faire des phrases compliquées, non ? Avec des adverbes et tout. Bah tu lui en feras, à Sarko ! Faut juste le convaincre de s’afficher avec un footballeur.
– Je sais pas trop…
– Ca marche ?
– Faut voir, mais…
– Génial !
– Merci, mec !
– C’est cool, Kev’ ! Vraiment !
– Non, j’ai pas…
– C’est cool, ouais. »
Devant nous, Bodmer joue à saute-mouton avec une serveuse bouclée. À sa droite, des footballeurs lillois montés à la capitale chantent à s’en péter le larynx. Ma table se joint à eux pour former un orchestre siphonné digne des pires boys bands de l’Histoire. Rencontrer le président ? Et pourquoi pas ? Je ne supporte pas mes coéquipiers, j’exècre leur nonchalance et la façon dont ils se comportent, mon existence tout entière s’oppose aux valeurs qui sont les leurs mais, dans la position où je me trouve, il m’est impossible de refuser cette main tendue.
Keke D. Plages dit :
Vraiment très fort. Nene et fan2 ont failli me faire griller au boulot.. J’ai dû me mordre pour éviter de rire trop fort dans le bureau !
2 mars 2012, 17:01Luke Seafer dit :
« Les footballeurs français sont des Français comme les autres : ils se défendent lorsqu’on les attaque ; seule exception à cette règle : les footballeurs français de l’AS Nancy Lorraine, qui défendent même lorsqu’on ne les attaque pas. »
Jerry traifort.
Très bel épisode, comme d’hab.
2 mars 2012, 17:09jerem dit :
« Rémi, concurrent direct en attaque, me cachait mes baskets dans les poubelles du vestiaire ; aujourd’hui, il vend des chaussures sur la place d’Allier. Un jour, j’ai eu le malheur d’emmener du dentifrice dans mon sac. Passée la surprise, mes anciens coéquipiers m’ont traité de sale bourge et de richard. C’était la première fois qu’ils en voyaient d’aussi près. »
Très bon !
2 mars 2012, 17:56novel dit :
un bel épisode encore, toujours aussi percutant et drôle !
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Install 7-Zip Windows seven themes applying « .themepack » extension.
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Love Windows seven characteristics on your Windows Vista and Windows XP platform… The entire process is bit time-taking but look is worth the compensated time.
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In daily life, instances are constantly changing. What we believe is very good nowadays may possibly be a wrong for tomorrow. This is especially correct when it arrives to main choices like obtaining a tattoo. Nonetheless, in current instances, the obtainable possibilities for taking away a tattoo are increasing, and so are improvement in the techniques used.
o Shifting body sorts – Your fat is no lengthier what it used to be. You have both lost a lot or attained a whole lot. It can also be that you have been operating out and set on a good deal of muscle mass. On the other hand, perhaps you have just merely gotten more mature and your skin has loosened, wrinkled and/or sagged.
o Breakups – We all know someone, or a friend of a pal who tattooed « Jessica » on his shoulder only break up with her a thirty day period later on.
o Shifting views – Maybe you were a rebellious teenager generating a fearless statement on a optimistic situation, but since then you happen to be older and have modified some of your views. That image you tattooed on you arm is no for a longer time an concern.
o Bad Going On this page style – Hopefully you are not one of the unlucky ones and the tattoo artist messed your tattoo up and still left you with an unappealing design and style.
o Work or « culture » problems – If you have a big or very easily seen tattoo, specified work or even specific men and women could look down on you and deny you certain options.
Really should you find oneself in any of the above conditions, will not stress there are a variety of possibilities you can search into for tattoo removing. Let’s commence with the most inexpensive approaches then discuss some of the more costly processes.
o Lotions – When seeking to get rid of a tattoo, you will hear about tattoo removing creams that are on the industry these days. Even though the cost of these creams are reasonably very low (about a hundred bucks), in contrast to other strategies, you will probably get what you pay for. Some men and women claim that the lotions worked for them. Other individuals say the cream light their tattoo in excess of time and other individuals say they saw no result. If you might be ready to roll the dice, tattoo removal lotions might be value searching into. Just maintain in head that benefits can differ.
o Go over-ups – A tattoo cover-up requires finding a new, new tattoo more than your aged tattoo. This is not usually feasible, and is not always accomplished nicely. For example, you can not count on to protect up a thick, black tattoo with mild ink, or get rid of a significant, intricate layout, without acquiring a huge, block-like design over it. Some tattoo artists are really good at undertaking go over-ups. However, you really should seek the advice of a very regarded artist to see if he thinks it would be successful. Right here, the cost of tattoo removal (through go over-up) is just the value of the new tattoo alone.
Aside from these two possibilities for tattoo removing there are many varieties of healthcare procedures.
o Salabrasion – Salabrasion is a rather outdated approach that actually entails sanding off your tattoo lined pores and skin. Anesthetic is administered to the location and then salt drinking water is utilized although your skin is vigorously rubbed. Sure, this is as unpleasant as it sounds and is very likely to cause scarring.
o Dermabrasion – With dermabrasion you are again fundamentally sanding off your pores and skin. Anesthetic is also used in this variety of tattoo removing. Subsequent that, a solution is used (or easy ice packs are used) to the tattooed pores and skin that freezes the location. A hand-held rotary instrument is then employed to scrape absent the leading layers of skin on the location. Due to the naturel of the treatment there will very likely be bleeding as well as scarring.
o Excision – Excision is a procedure in which the tattooed pores and skin is reduce off. This is simplest with little tattoos nevertheless it is a tattoo elimination method that can be used for even greater tattoos. With bigger tattoos, you may possibly undertake a number of the procedure several times. 1st chopping away the middle of the tattoo and then following up with the outer portions later. After slicing absent the skin and the tattoo, your pores and skin is brought back again jointly in some instances with huge tattoos a pores and skin graft is utilised to cover the eradicated location. Neighborhood anesthetics are also utilised in this tattoo elimination process.
The most typical form of tattoo elimination nowadays is the use of a laser to eliminate the tattoo. A targeted laser is employed to break aside the tattoo ink beneath the surface area of your skin. The relaxation of your pores and skin continues to be unharmed and there will not be scarring. Different wavelengths are used for various ink hues which indicates the more colourful your tattoo, the much more sophisticated and costly your laser tattoo removal will be.
While laser tattoo removal is quite productive (even though not usually completely), the expense of tattoo removing from laser processes can be fairly pricey and time consuming. For a little, single-shade tattoo, the expense of tattoo elimination might be one particular hundred to numerous hundred pounds.
For greater, thicker, much more intricate and much more colorful tattoos, you might have to have up to ten sessions to get your tattoo entirely eradicated. Sessions can array in cost anyplace from $a hundred to above $1,000, most likely falling in the $four hundred-$five hundred assortment. With laser tattoo removal a numbing agent can be employed beforehand if necessary, even though most say it is a relatively painless tattoo removing treatment. 1 downside to laser tattoo removing is certainly the expense of tattoo removal alone, as properly as how prolonged the total approach can acquire. Specific periods want to be spaced out to let appropriate time to mend.
As you can see there are numerous approaches for finding your tattoo taken out. You can find a approach to go well with your funds and tolerance to discomfort and soreness. Just don’t forget to do your investigation an make an knowledgeable selection.
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